I have an amazing, strong, beautiful friend who has found herself in emotionally and mentally abusive relationships. After explaining a truly horrific event or experience, she then utters these words, as if guilt dictates that she must excuse poor behavior with highlights of “good" behavior.

I really hope that you also find a way to say, “He does x, y, z, that is unacceptable. Full stop. His work ethic cannot excuse abusive or destructive behavior.”

It sounds as if he has trauma that he needs to work on. Rather than doing that work, he’s repeating the cycle at the expense of his child. Calling it out firmly and unapologetically is okay and valid.